My Dilemma
by mosthandysub © 2009
We connected frequently online. Goddess Vivienne is a very experienced Mistress. There was no doubt, from our conversations online that she was expert at controlling her submissives. Our chats went for hours, lasting long into the night. It’s common on CB to say you know someone from “the inside out.” I felt that way about Goddess Vivienne. We connected over the span of many months.
I learned much about my need to be submissive and to be controlled by a powerful woman. We had many “scenes” online. I followed her directions exactly and reported the results and my feelings to her. I wondered if we would ever meet in person and for me to be allowed the honor of serving her.
Although we had never met, or even spoken to each other by phone, we did live relatively close to each other. It was knowing how close we were in reality that made the anonymity of connecting online that much more exciting.
From the start, I harbored thoughts of serving Goddess Vivienne in person. To be able to see her standing in front of me, while I kneeled to serve her as She saw fit.
As I usually do, I logged onto the system first thing in the morning to check my email and sometimes to see who might be up early enough to be lurking on one of the CB channels. As I logged on, I could see the message flash that “Mail is waiting.” I typed the commands to get into the mail system and found “One message waiting.” The message was short but filled the screen.
_slave…
The time has come for you to prove your ability to serve me. I will allow you the honor of serving in my “clinic.” You will follow my instructions precisely. Any deviation from my explicit directions will result in immediate and irrevocable dismissal. You may NEVER have another opportunity to meet or serve me.
I will meet you this evening at the Hotel Washington. you will have no difficulty in identifying me, as I will be in the hotel’s bar, wearing a red carnation in my hair with long fingernails to match. I will have no difficulty in identifying you, because at precisely 6 PM you will be the man on his knees, kissing and licking my high heeled shoes. You will continue until told explicitly to stop. You will not utter a word unless asked a question or told to speak.
You will wear regular street clothes, but will wear no underwear. You will have your large butt plug inserted.
Goddess Vivienne_
My heart sunk into the pit of my stomach. Could this be true? Is she really allowing me the honor and priviledge of meeting her. The thought was at the same time, frightening, daunting and very exciting. Isn’t this what I’ve wanted all along, but, will I be the slave I am in my fantasies. Certainly the pain and discomfort I’ve experienced at her hand online could not compare to what I will experience with her in person. I had the day to think about it.
My productivity at work that day was clearly not up to par. My concentration was non-existent. I could think of nothing but what lay in store for me that evening. I would finally be meeting my Goddess and experiencing, first hand, her expert domination skills.
Throughout the day, I thought about the scene that awaited me. The timing, it appeared, was selected for maximum humiliation, Happy Hour! How would I be able to get on my knees in a room full of people to kiss my Goddess’ shoes? How long would she keep me there? There was little doubt I would find the courage to do it, to experience a meeting with Goddess Vivienne. Will it really be that easy to find her in such a crowded room? What if by chance there were more than two women wearing red flowers in their hair? Long red fingernails aren’t THAT uncommon among professional women. What would I do? What did she have in mind to do with/to me? Would I actually be given the opportunity to see and serve in her “clinic?” These thoughts, and more, swirled around my head all day. I could think of nothing else.
Just before I left to go to the hotel I retrieved the butt plug I had been instructed to keep available in my office by Goddess Vivienne. Many times, after meeting her online during the day, I was instructed to insert the plug and keep it in throughout the day, usually until we can meet again online in the evening. I used a small bit of lube to insert the plug while in the bathroom. The plug is large enough to cause considerable discomfort when being inserted but I tolerate it pretty well once it is in. When inserted, it is a constant reminder of my submissive status.
I drove the short distance to the hotel, parked, and entered the hotel bar at about 5:45PM. The bar was full with its usual happy hour crowd. I surveyed the room looking for the woman with the red carnation in her hair and equally red long fingernails. My heart almost came through my chest as I spotted a red carnation in blond hair at the bar. I was thankful that I could only find one flower in the crowd. I stood and looked closely to see if I could spy the trademark long, red fingernails. Suddenly, she raised her glass to her lips and her magnificent nails came into view. She was everything I had imagined her to be. She was wearing a flowing flowered silk dress, almost conservative. There was nothing very revealing about her dress but it was clearly one of the more beautiful dresses in the room. Even from my distant viewpoint, I could sense her elegant, aristocratic aura. She may not have been the most beautiful woman in the room but she certainly had the greatest “presence.” That feeling that fills a room when you can’t mistake the fact that someone is there. Some call it charisma, some call it aura, but whatever it is, it is unmistakable.
I glanced at my watch and it was 5:50. I still had 10 minutes to think about meeting her. I was to kneel at her feet and kiss her shoes. I spotted the shoes I was to kiss. They were classic black pumps with what appeared to be 4 inch heels. While I had certainly performed this subservient task before, I had never done so in a public place. Never in front of strangers. I didn’t have a lot of time to think about what would happen, it was already very close to 6PM.
My heart beat faster and harder as I made my way across the room. She was sipping a drink and looking out at the crowd at no one in particular. My digital watch said 5:59 as I stood in front of her and caught her eye. Without looking around, or trying to think about what any of the other customers would think, I dropped to my knees and took her right shoe in my hands. I kissed the toe of the shoe and licked along the sides to the heel. As I reached the heel, I looked up to see her looking at me with a satisfied smile on her lips. I continued to lick the shoe and took the heel into my mouth and sucked on it. I avoided looking at anyone and focused on my task, hoping to please my Goddess. Silently, she moved her left foot into a position that made it apparent she expected me to do the same thing to that one before I would be allowed any recognition by her. I performed the same submissive task on her left shoe. When the heel was being sucked she said one word, “up.” I released her foot and immediately stood up in front of her. She looked into my eyes with a smile and spoke the words I longed to hear, “very good slave.”
She got up from her stool at the bar and started to walk to an empty table in the back of the room. As she turned towards the table, she looked down on the floor at a leather carrying bag and said, “My bag.” It was instinct that made me understand that she expected me to pick up the bag and follow her to the table.
“Sit,” she said, as we reached the table. She immediately explained that she expected me to come to H\her “clinic,” but that I would have to do something before we could leave. I was to drink 5 glasses of water. By my estimation, it probably amounted to about 2 liters of water. She said the sooner I finished the water the sooner we could leave and get on with the evening’s activities.
While we sat and I drank the water, I felt increasingly uncomfortable as the water filled my stomach and the butt plug irritated my ass. We made small talk while she waited for me to finish, occasionally glancing at her nails, inspecting them, almost admiring them. As soon as I had gulped the last of the water, she rose from the table and said, “Follow me.” Glancing at the bag I had put on the floor, it was obvious I was to carry it out.
We walked through the room to the exit. I couldn’t help but notice some of the looks we received as I walked behind her. We walked across the parking lot to the far corner where she parked her red Mercedes 280 sports car. As she reached the car, she stopped and turned to face me. Reaching for the bag I was carrying she took it and opened it up. Without saying anything, she reached in and retrieved two leather cuffs which she fastened around my wrists. Next, she took out a leather collar, about 2 inches wide and fastened it around my neck. The collar had a number of “D” rings attached around it. She told me to put my hands behind my neck and, with small padlocks, locked the wrist cuffs to the “D” rings on the collar. She told me it was important that I be blindfolded while on the way to her clinic. A full leather hood was placed over my head and secured in the back and around the neck. “Now,” she said, “get into the car.” I heard her open the door and guide me into the passenger’s seat. It was a bit awkward, but I managed to sit comfortably into the seat, as comfortable as I could bound the way I was and with a butt plug.
The trip to her clinic was uneventful. She said very little. My heart continued to beat harder and faster as I thought about what awaited me in her clinic. The trip could not have been longer than about 20 minutes. I had no idea which direction from the hotel she went or where I might be. The car stopped and I could hear and feel her get out and come around to my side of the car. The door was opened and she said, “Out!” I struggled to my feet with a bit of support from her. She grabbed my extended elbow and led me up a few steps through a door. Once inside we walked a bit turning here and there as I sensed we were going through some doors. All at once we stopped.
She released my elbow and moved behind me to unfasten my hands from the collar. She removed the hood. I stood in the middle of a “white” room. Everything in the room was white. I quickly looked around to see what I could identify as bondage equipment, but unlike other “dungeons” I had been in, everything in this room was white. While it had the same feeling of a “dungeon” the whiteness of the room gave it a very special quality. Differences in the room were identified as differences in texture. The lighting created special effects with the shadows. Before I could do or think of anything, I heard the command, “Strip! Put your clothes on that hook,” as She pointed to a hook on the far wall of the room. As I began to take off my shirt and pants, she left the room. It only took a few seconds to be naked and standing in the middle of Goddess’ room. I stood in the middle, in the position I had been instructed to assume, legs spread shoulder width, hands behind my neck, eyes cast down to the floor. It seemed like hours before Goddess Vivienne entered the room again. She had changed her attire. She was dressed to contrast completely with the room I had desired to be in for so long. She was wearing a black corset with garters attached to black seamed stockings and continued to wear the black high heeled pumps I had so devotingly kissed and licked just minutes before. The sight of her made my cock stand up immediately. She did not let this go unnoticed, as she said, “Mmmm…so you must be pleased with my clinic!” It was not a direct question so I maintained my silence.
She walked around me, inspecting her slave. My hands were fastened to the collar again. I heard her say, “No sense in wasting time, lets get started. I like to see my slaves in dilemmas. That’s what we’re going to do today. I’d like to see how you deal with this dilemma.” It was about this time, that I began to notice the pressure building in my bladder. She had given me no indication or opportunity to ask to be allowed to urinate and I knew better than to talk without explicit instructions. I would have to hold it until she allowed me the opportunity to talk to her.
She moved me to a pole in the middle of the room. She walked over to one of the walls and retrieved a number of items I could not identify. She knelt down beside me and put leather cuffs, similar to those on my wrists around my ankles. Using padlocks, she fastened the cuffs to rings in the floor, securing my legs in position, separated about 3 feet. Next, she went behind me and grabbed my balls around the top of my scrotum. She gave them a firm pull which made me moan. Because of her instructions not to cum for the last week, my balls were very full and achy. I felt her fasten a parachute ball stretcher to the top of my scrotum. It pinched my skin a little but I knew it was on firmly when she pulled on the ring attached to the chains.
Going to the other wall she obtained a number of other items and returned to stand behind me. I felt her reach to touch the butt plug and heard her say, “Very good.” The butt plug was removed, not too gently and immediately replaced with another one about the same size. I heard the sound of her squeezing a rubber bulb and immediately felt the butt plug expand in my ass. She continued to pump it up until I thought it would explode in my ass, but she stopped just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore. She continued to make arrangements behind me. I couldn’t see exactly what she was doing but I knew it had something to do with the pole behind me. In my peripheral vision, I could see her hanging a rubber bag on the pole. The tube coming out of the bag had some kind of device on it with a wire coming out of it. The tube was attached to the butt plug firmly in place in my ass. She reached down and connected something, a chain or rope, to the ring on the parachute harness and attached the wire to a device on the rope. Suddenly, I felt a strong pulling on my balls. The pull grew stronger and stronger until I was forced to bend my knees in a crouch position to keep my balls from being pulled from my body, or so I thought. The pull on my balls continued as she fastened the rope to a ring in the floor directly beneath my balls and between the rings fastening my feet to the floor. As she released the rope attached to my balls the pull on them stopped and I realized that a warm fluid was filling my ass. She stood and came to my front. Looking me in the eyes, she told me that I could stop the flow of liquid into my ass by simply pulling the rope on my balls. So, that was the dilemma she mentioned. I could receive an enema or punish my balls. The force required to keep the liquid from flowing was significant. The position I was in did not allow me to stand up fully, so I had to maintain a semi-crouched position.
Goddess Vivienne stood in front of me and began to feel my stomach just above my cock. “Mmmm…a bit loated?…Arent’ we?” “Yes, Mistress,” I answered. “I’ll allow you to empty your bladder when your ass if full!”
She then left the room and left me to my dilemma. My bladder was beginning to hurt. I couldn’t make up my mind if it was better to be pulling on my balls, or to have the enema. After what seemed like an eternity, I realized I needed desperately to urinate and succumbed to the full enema by crouching down and releasing the tension on my balls. My stomach filled up immediately with the enema. I began to have cramps. I pulled on my balls to stop the flow but it did no good. It was done. I had retained all the fluid. I felt completely full between my bladder and the enema.
Goddess returned to the room to find the enema bag empty. She told me how pleased she was that I accepted it so well. I watched as she walked over to a rack filled with various whips and paddles. She selected a crop and returned to stand behind me. She spoke into my ear saying, “You’ve done very well. I will now reward you with a cropping. After you’ve received 20 lashes from my crop, I will allow you to empty yourself. Do you understand?” “Yes, Mistress,” I replied. “You will count each stroke as it is delivered. Any miscount will result in me starting from the beginning.”
She began to strike me in earnest as I counted each stroke. The combination of being full of liquid from both sides and the pull on my balls every time I jumped from the strokes was more punishment than I had ever experienced before.
When the final stroke had been delivered, she stroked my ass and told me how well I had received my punishment. She knelt down to release my bonds from the floor rings and pointed to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet, I emptied my body into the toilet. My ass was hot from the whipping but the feeling of release was great.
When I was done, I returned to find her sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. On the floor in front of her lay a mirror. She told me to kneel in front of her with the mirror between my legs. She then asked me if I wanted the privilege of cumming. I replied if it was her pleasure I would very much like to cum.
She released my right hand from my collar and told me to hold it out. As I did, she filled my palm with Ben Gay. “OK…you may masturbate until you cum…but…you must cum on the mirror.”
I began to stroke my cock. I felt the heat of the Ben Gay as it entered the pores of my cock. It only took a few seconds for me to cum in large spurts onto the mirror.
I looked up and saw her smiling. “Very good, slave. You may now lick up your mess.” As I bent down to lick up my cum, I could feel the heat in my cock build. Watching myself lick my own cum I thought of the humiliation of licking my Mistress’ shoes in the bar and now licking my cum in front of her.
When I was done, she released all my bonds and told me to get dressed. The hood was again placed over my head and I was led again to her car and driven back to the hotel.
After parking in the same area of the parking lot, She reached over, and released me from the hood.
“Good nite, slave,” she said, “I’ll be in touch!”